Walked out of the elevator as the door opened. Still haven’t digested the loss. Had high hopes for today. Felt most prepared compared to all the previous rounds. The corridor was crowded. Everyone looked way more confident. It felt like I was sticking out like a sore thumb in front of these professionals and I didn’t stand a chance. Kept my head down while passing through the hallway avoiding any eye contact. Couldn’t muster slightest of courage to look up. Walked out of the door.
Yet another unsuccessful interview. It has been now countless interviews so far. With every passing day, situation looks more and more bleak. Walked out on the street waiting for a cab. It feels I am not good enough for this. There are people out there that are crazy good at this compared to me. I don’t stand a chance. The only reason I am here is because of all the hard work. And there are people out there who are born talented.
The task that will have me 3 to 4 hours to do, they figure it out in 10 to 15 minutes. By the end of the day they are so ahead of me, that even if I work harder than them, I might not be able to catch up. If feels like a race that I am destined to lose. Loosing my patience ,thinking, “These cab are killing me today. Not even one is showing up. I’ll just walk to the Metro station Instead.” and started walking.
Passing through a park decided to sit for a little while. Thinking, “So what is my game plan now. Can’t just quit. What is it that I am missing!”
A voice from deep down spoke, “May be you need more time. At this rate you will keep failing.”
“What? I have been preparing for almost 8 months now. How much more time do I need?”
“Did you already forget, what you were thinking? You are not talented my friend. Isn’t it a fact by now that you are slow learner compared to others.”
“Maybe you should reduce your expectations!”
“You mean, Suffocate my dreams in order to make the road easy?”
“No. Dream those dreams that are achievable compared to your ability”
“Why? I will work harder”
“It’s not about working hard. It’s -”
“Spit it out. Stop beating around the bush”
“You are not good enough and you will never be. No matter how hard you try you will always fail. Get that in your head. Will you? Or do you want to keeping failing in life.”
I had not reply. I was devastated inside. How long do I have to run. Will it ever end. Does the trench ever end. I felt lost inside. How do I figure this out? It was almost night by now.
It was starting to get late and was feeling hungry as well. Stood up and started walking. It’s not that bad if I actually think about it. I learned so may things along the way. It was not a complete waste of time after all. It’s just another obstacle. Lets go home for today. After all I have come a long way and have a long way to go. Can’t just quit. And apart from it, I am proud of myself you are doing a good job and keep it up.